Getting Through the Divorce Process

Realizing your marriage is over can be devastating.  Getting through the emotional aspects of divorce can take time. 

The legal steps of divorce can also be overwhelming.  These major issues require attention:  custody, visitation and support of the children;  spousal support;  and division of assets and debts.  Try the following steps. 

Decide which ground for divorce is right for you.  Separation for 18 months or longer with no prospect of reconciliation is one ground.  Mental cruelty is another.  Several other statutory grounds for divorce also exist.  Discuss these possibilities with your attorney to determine which cause of action is right for you.     

Identify the marital property.  Ascertain the assets and debts that accumulated in either party’s name after the date of marriage (except inheritances and gifts).  Marital property does not include items brought to the marriage (unless they became commingled with marital ones).  If you are unsure of what constitutes “marital” property, contact your attorney.  

Valuate your marital property.  Calculate the worth of each asset and debt to be divided.  Gather documents that reveal their value and obtain copies of your most recent tax returns.  Bring this information when you meet with your attorney.       

Organize your priorities.  Determine your goals.  By prioritizing, you can focus on your needs during negotiations.  Once all issues are resolved, your attorney can draft an agreement that will become a binding contract on you and your spouse after it is signed.  Crafting your own agreement can avoid expensive and lengthy litigation. 

Remain calm.  Having the right team of personal and professional associates on your side will get you through it.  

Children do not belong in the middle of marital disputes.  Do not share divorce issues with the children.  Be confident in your relationship with your children instead of denigrating the other parent.     

Educate yourself.  Read books on coping with divorce and co-parenting.  Join associations and support groups.  Utilize the Internet.  Obtain psychological, financial and legal counseling.  Develop a plan to get you through the divorce process.